Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize