Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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