"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
