You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
