All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
