Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize