Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Is this like a preordered booty call?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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