I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
