I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
