Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
