We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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