I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
