Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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