Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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