Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
