I wanna passion pit in your ass
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
