She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
