Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
