dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
