drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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