Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
