ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
