I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
