Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
