I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
