I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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