I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
