I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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