i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
