strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
