It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
