So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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