Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
