Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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