Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Plan B is the new Plan A
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
