I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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