He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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