I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
