I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
