you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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