I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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