Midget sex pt 2 tonight
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
