Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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