Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
