Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
