k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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