Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Acid is not a monday night drug
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize