Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
