what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
