so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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