He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
