The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
