I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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