i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
