Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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