Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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