Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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