Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize