Kiss
Puke
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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