you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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