she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
