I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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