i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I think we might need a safe word for this...
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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