Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
