I think I died a long time ago.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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