the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
