So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
